I can't believe I sank this low.
When I get home, all I have been doing when faced to my family is complaining. The underlying reason is because I'm not happy anymore. I feel like I'm forced to stay in Assumption even when I don't feel like being there anymore. I guess I'm not strong enough to get what I want because I love my family so much to the point that I give up my happiness for them.
I WISH I AM STRONG ENOUGH TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS.
But still, my family always gets to me. I can't believe love does this. But I guess they want what's best. Maybe in the long run this would benefit me. All I can do is sacrifice for what's best. I dunno if I'm doing the right thing, but I hope I end up happy in the future.
Do you also know that feeling when you feel so much emotion in yourself that you end up with a blank face? Then you suddenly just explode all your negative emotions? This is what I have been going thru all week. It's like a rut that isn't ending.
With the stress of school, it's just making my situation worse. I hope I find myself soon to be happy.
About Me
- Cid Teves
- I have a very long name but most people just call me Emily or Cid. I'm a girl who loves to enjoy what life has to offer. I try to balance my life in everything. You'll see me go partying once in a while but you won't see me going to clubs every night. You'll also see me studying but you won't see my eyes strained from too much reading. Music is one thing I can't live without. When I love, I smile at the world but when I hate and I'm really sad, you'll see me ranting to my friends :P I cherish every person that comes my way and make the most of moments I get. :)
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
There Could Be A Spark There Somewhere
Do you know that feeling when a guy has feelings for you, and you can feel it, but he doesn't show it because he's too afraid or torpe??
Well that's what I have been feeling? It's odd because I chose to have deeper feelings for a torpe guy than a guy who has been showing me more effort.
I guess it's that feeling when you know a guy is torpe because he has real feelings for you than a guy who shows so much effort just for charm.
But somehow, even when you do feel the spark from a shy guy, it eventually goes away because we live in the real world and sometimes feeling something is not enough.
But I believe in the power of love, and maybe, just maybe, there could be a spark in there. :)
Well that's what I have been feeling? It's odd because I chose to have deeper feelings for a torpe guy than a guy who has been showing me more effort.
I guess it's that feeling when you know a guy is torpe because he has real feelings for you than a guy who shows so much effort just for charm.
But somehow, even when you do feel the spark from a shy guy, it eventually goes away because we live in the real world and sometimes feeling something is not enough.
But I believe in the power of love, and maybe, just maybe, there could be a spark in there. :)
Saturday, October 3, 2009
How Fast A Week of No Classes and Everything Can Be
It's already Sunday and tomorrow, I'm back to school!! I'm actually happy to go back to school because I can see my friends, learn new things, and RECEIVE ALLOWANCE AGAIN!! But in a sense, I'm also sad because I actually enjoyed just bumming at home. It made me realize all the things I can do at home like fix my things, watch movies that are just dying to be viewed, read books, etc.
The 1 week of no classes has been a whirlwind for me. Not just because of the storm, but also because so many things have changed.
Last Friday, I was out with my friends from AC and Southville in Central. We all decided to eat and drink. Since I did not want to get drunk, I decided to have a few shots of a drink that I don't even know what it's called. What shocked me was seeing my AC friends get drunk! It's really something I'm not used to because I usually just hang with them when it's school related, or if it's just going to the mall. It was something I really had to get used to! In the end, JP (my kuya and dear friend) ended up taking care of them and bringing them home. I will never forget the time when JP hit a guy in a bicycle. I really thought we'd get sued. Good thing JP knows his driving 101, and said it was the guy's fault for biking in the middle of the road. I will also never forget seeing my good friend Nicole so drunk, to the point that she can't even drink water properly. NOTE: hot water spilled on me.(If u see this Nicole, don't be offended!! It's just something I'll never forget!!) Because of everything, I ended up going home at 3 AM!! I couldn't even get in the door of my house because there was something wrong with the lock!! Huhuhu! Good thing my maid was awake to open up for me!
SATURDAY MORNING---
I wake up at 8:30 AM since I got home at 3AM (as mentioned above). I remembered that I have a class at 9:10AM. My mind was going insane because I was thinking whether I should still go to school or not. I'd rather risk being late than being absent, and I can't be absent because I'd fail due to absence.(Mind you, Assumption can only have 2 cuts for some subjects! Sucks right??) As my mind was rushing on what to do, I look outside my window and see how horrible the weather is! I kept making kulit to my mom by asking if I should go to school or not!! She said no, since the horrible weather would really stop classes!
Not only did I have classes, I also had a theatre presentation that day, so being absent is a big no no. I decided to call my theatre friend Angelica. She said she'll be going to school no matter what. Being my worried self, I just told her to tell my director that I can't make it due to bad weather. After that, I decided to join my mom to South Supermarket and to pick up my brother.
When we finally got to the supermarket, the weather just got a whole lot WORSE. I could see how bad the rainfall was. The winds were pretty strong as well. When I called up my brother, he was still all the way in Cubao!! After marketing, mom and I decided to go home. On the way home, the security guards of BF asked us to turn around because the streets were flooded!! :( We decided to go to ATC since it was the only place we can go to.
SATURDAY AFTERNOON---
After ATC, I called my brother again, and he was still in Pasig. There was no point in waiting anymore, so mom and I decided to go home. Again, the security guards asked us to turn around since the roads were still flooded. Good thing there was another way to get to my house!!!
The rest of the afternoon, I just bummed at home.
SATURDAY NIGHT---
I decided to join my mom to finally pick up my brother in Southridge. Once we got there, he wasn't around yet. Since I was being impatient, I called him up. He was already in Sucat. THANK GOD. While waiting, I was watching Gossip Girl in my portable DVD player. After 1 hour, my brother wasn;t around yet. So I decided to call again. He said he was still stuck in Sucat. O.O O.O-------I was practically going insane! I let my mind wonder and started texting everyone I could think of. What also kind of shocked me was that the guy that I like and also happens to like me hasn't replied to me in days. :( :( Since he and I aren't together, I just let it go and not made it such a big deal.
My bro finally arrived school at 12AM! We got home at 1AM.-.-
Sunday morning, the media made an announcement that there won't be classes on Monday. This made me soo happy since it would give me time to do my work!! Then, on Monday, I got a text from classmates that there won't be class on Tuesday!!! YAYYY!! Then on Tuesday, I got another text that there won't be classes for the rest of the week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) Since I had so much time on my hands, I ended up procrastinating. Yes, I was happy, but also sad because I had a chat with the guy that I liked that we couldn't be together. It did hurt, but I knew it's for the best. See how many changes are happening?
I also started playing my brother's PSP and got soo addicted to ROCKBAND.
I also got a spur of the moment text from a friend asking if I can volunteer in St. James. It was such a memorable experience since my team leader was only in first year high school! Anyway, I still had fun since Toni and Galo were around. (love you guys!Had so much fun packing rice with you!) I will never forget Rice Master Diego!
After, Victor and I decided to hang out to let him try shisha. Since Bogs needed a date, I decided to bring Yani along. Sadly, Bogs never made it (due to sleep) and Victor never got a dose of shisha (thanks to Pepeng). We ended up going to ATC and Timezone-ing our time away. The karaoke was really busted, but we still had fun anyway. We also played this game where we bash the buttons (I forgot what it was called). Even up to now, my hands still hurt.
Well I dunno what else to say. A lot of changes in a week. I wish tomorrow would be a better day ;)
The 1 week of no classes has been a whirlwind for me. Not just because of the storm, but also because so many things have changed.
Last Friday, I was out with my friends from AC and Southville in Central. We all decided to eat and drink. Since I did not want to get drunk, I decided to have a few shots of a drink that I don't even know what it's called. What shocked me was seeing my AC friends get drunk! It's really something I'm not used to because I usually just hang with them when it's school related, or if it's just going to the mall. It was something I really had to get used to! In the end, JP (my kuya and dear friend) ended up taking care of them and bringing them home. I will never forget the time when JP hit a guy in a bicycle. I really thought we'd get sued. Good thing JP knows his driving 101, and said it was the guy's fault for biking in the middle of the road. I will also never forget seeing my good friend Nicole so drunk, to the point that she can't even drink water properly. NOTE: hot water spilled on me.(If u see this Nicole, don't be offended!! It's just something I'll never forget!!) Because of everything, I ended up going home at 3 AM!! I couldn't even get in the door of my house because there was something wrong with the lock!! Huhuhu! Good thing my maid was awake to open up for me!
SATURDAY MORNING---
I wake up at 8:30 AM since I got home at 3AM (as mentioned above). I remembered that I have a class at 9:10AM. My mind was going insane because I was thinking whether I should still go to school or not. I'd rather risk being late than being absent, and I can't be absent because I'd fail due to absence.(Mind you, Assumption can only have 2 cuts for some subjects! Sucks right??) As my mind was rushing on what to do, I look outside my window and see how horrible the weather is! I kept making kulit to my mom by asking if I should go to school or not!! She said no, since the horrible weather would really stop classes!
Not only did I have classes, I also had a theatre presentation that day, so being absent is a big no no. I decided to call my theatre friend Angelica. She said she'll be going to school no matter what. Being my worried self, I just told her to tell my director that I can't make it due to bad weather. After that, I decided to join my mom to South Supermarket and to pick up my brother.
When we finally got to the supermarket, the weather just got a whole lot WORSE. I could see how bad the rainfall was. The winds were pretty strong as well. When I called up my brother, he was still all the way in Cubao!! After marketing, mom and I decided to go home. On the way home, the security guards of BF asked us to turn around because the streets were flooded!! :( We decided to go to ATC since it was the only place we can go to.
SATURDAY AFTERNOON---
After ATC, I called my brother again, and he was still in Pasig. There was no point in waiting anymore, so mom and I decided to go home. Again, the security guards asked us to turn around since the roads were still flooded. Good thing there was another way to get to my house!!!
The rest of the afternoon, I just bummed at home.
SATURDAY NIGHT---
I decided to join my mom to finally pick up my brother in Southridge. Once we got there, he wasn't around yet. Since I was being impatient, I called him up. He was already in Sucat. THANK GOD. While waiting, I was watching Gossip Girl in my portable DVD player. After 1 hour, my brother wasn;t around yet. So I decided to call again. He said he was still stuck in Sucat. O.O O.O-------I was practically going insane! I let my mind wonder and started texting everyone I could think of. What also kind of shocked me was that the guy that I like and also happens to like me hasn't replied to me in days. :( :( Since he and I aren't together, I just let it go and not made it such a big deal.
My bro finally arrived school at 12AM! We got home at 1AM.-.-
Sunday morning, the media made an announcement that there won't be classes on Monday. This made me soo happy since it would give me time to do my work!! Then, on Monday, I got a text from classmates that there won't be class on Tuesday!!! YAYYY!! Then on Tuesday, I got another text that there won't be classes for the rest of the week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) Since I had so much time on my hands, I ended up procrastinating. Yes, I was happy, but also sad because I had a chat with the guy that I liked that we couldn't be together. It did hurt, but I knew it's for the best. See how many changes are happening?
I also started playing my brother's PSP and got soo addicted to ROCKBAND.
I also got a spur of the moment text from a friend asking if I can volunteer in St. James. It was such a memorable experience since my team leader was only in first year high school! Anyway, I still had fun since Toni and Galo were around. (love you guys!Had so much fun packing rice with you!) I will never forget Rice Master Diego!
After, Victor and I decided to hang out to let him try shisha. Since Bogs needed a date, I decided to bring Yani along. Sadly, Bogs never made it (due to sleep) and Victor never got a dose of shisha (thanks to Pepeng). We ended up going to ATC and Timezone-ing our time away. The karaoke was really busted, but we still had fun anyway. We also played this game where we bash the buttons (I forgot what it was called). Even up to now, my hands still hurt.
Well I dunno what else to say. A lot of changes in a week. I wish tomorrow would be a better day ;)
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Midterms finally Over
After hours of cramming due to procrastination, midterms are finally over!!
I recieved the results on my midterm exam on Political Science. I was so surprised to get a 90! Yes I did study but not hard enough to get a 90! It feels really good. I'm just praying that my other tests will turn out at least 85 or higher!!
Now that midterms are over, I can start anew and do BETTER in my finals!!! :)
I can't wait to move to Southville! No more commuting, no more getting soaked feet due to the rain, and if I study in Southville, and higher chances of me bringing a car!!! Oh and did I say having guys around again? :)
I recieved the results on my midterm exam on Political Science. I was so surprised to get a 90! Yes I did study but not hard enough to get a 90! It feels really good. I'm just praying that my other tests will turn out at least 85 or higher!!
Now that midterms are over, I can start anew and do BETTER in my finals!!! :)
I can't wait to move to Southville! No more commuting, no more getting soaked feet due to the rain, and if I study in Southville, and higher chances of me bringing a car!!! Oh and did I say having guys around again? :)
Sunday, August 9, 2009
What's the Truth?
I have been caught up in trying who to believe. My situation makes it hard because guys end up backstabbing each other. It makes it harder for me who to trust, especially when a few of these guys have and had feelings for me.
I have been told to be very careful with this guy that's courting me because he's known as a player and a backstabber. This guy tells me that's actually true, but he's also saying that he's serious with me. And when he's serious in a relationship, he's really serious. So far, he's been able to show that seriousness by coming over to my house, and trying to spend as much time with me as possible. The other guys who have been trying to warn me though about him genuinely care about me because they know I'm a good girl and they don't want me hurt. And to think these guys warning me are actually friends of the guy who's trying to court me. Backstabbing BITES!!!
I sometimes feel like a victim to all this, because I dunno who to believe. There's also another guy who has a thing for me, and he's really sweet, fun, and caring, but I hardly see him and he's known to be torpe. All the other guys are telling me to go for him instead because he really has true feelings for me and I'm the only girl in his mind. But as they say, actions speak louder than words. And this guy doesn't really show much action.
So yeah..here I am with my mind spinning trying to know who to believe.
I have been told to be very careful with this guy that's courting me because he's known as a player and a backstabber. This guy tells me that's actually true, but he's also saying that he's serious with me. And when he's serious in a relationship, he's really serious. So far, he's been able to show that seriousness by coming over to my house, and trying to spend as much time with me as possible. The other guys who have been trying to warn me though about him genuinely care about me because they know I'm a good girl and they don't want me hurt. And to think these guys warning me are actually friends of the guy who's trying to court me. Backstabbing BITES!!!
I sometimes feel like a victim to all this, because I dunno who to believe. There's also another guy who has a thing for me, and he's really sweet, fun, and caring, but I hardly see him and he's known to be torpe. All the other guys are telling me to go for him instead because he really has true feelings for me and I'm the only girl in his mind. But as they say, actions speak louder than words. And this guy doesn't really show much action.
So yeah..here I am with my mind spinning trying to know who to believe.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Wait
This is a poem I made during a Filipino class because I was so fucking bored!
With each passing day
My heart feels like giving away
A love that could be so true
But I'm afraid to start anew
With someone who can possibly make me blue
I wish today could be the time
When I can finally call you mine
But our hearts will have to wait
So that we can have a love that will last
and not be out of date
When that time comes I'll be yours forever
If our hearts beat as one together
Then we can finally kiss under the rain
and dance under the stars
But till that day comes let us know each other more
And maybe, just maybe, I can be yours forevermore
*Hope you guys like it!! <3
With each passing day
My heart feels like giving away
A love that could be so true
But I'm afraid to start anew
With someone who can possibly make me blue
I wish today could be the time
When I can finally call you mine
But our hearts will have to wait
So that we can have a love that will last
and not be out of date
When that time comes I'll be yours forever
If our hearts beat as one together
Then we can finally kiss under the rain
and dance under the stars
But till that day comes let us know each other more
And maybe, just maybe, I can be yours forevermore
*Hope you guys like it!! <3
Monday, June 29, 2009
Singleness :)
SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE!!!!
I'm on the road to happiness I never thought possible! I thought being single would be a drag, but it's actually really satisfying. I can now breathe easily without having to worry too much! It is such a great feeling to know that I can stand on my own. What I love most about being single is being able to notice the love that surrounds me through friends and family. When I was in a relationship, I was very constricted with the love of my boyfriend. I somehow let slip the love I receieved from other people. Yes, I do miss my ex sometimes but if he and I were still together right now, I wouldn't be as happy as I am now because I'd end up worrying and missing him too much!
As of now, I am not ready to be in a relationship because I need some time to find myself again. I kind of lost myself in my past relationship because I was too caught in lurve of love. (Guys please understand!) I can't be with someone if I still have to pick the pieces back together right?
But once I do find myself, then that's when I can be in a relationship and love the next guy with all my heart. :)
It's funny because somehow it is fate that I find myself soon. Why? Because I will be....
GOING TO THAILAND THIS FRIDAY!!
I think travelling would be the best escape to everything and figure myself out in a totally different culture. I know it's ironic, but being someplace else makes me really think about what I want and who I want in my life. That's why whenever I travel, something about me changes for the better.
Anyway, I hope that everything turns out great!
-S :)
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